🌿 Intro
I recently took in a few struggling houseplants. Not in a “call the plant ambulance” kind of way — just the classic combo of bad lighting, overwatering, and general life neglect. Think less “emergency” and more “needs a shower, a meal, and to be left alone for a minute.” Luckily, I can help with at least two of those.
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🪴 The Sad Squad
Tradescantia
This trailing beauty can be stunning when it’s happy — vibrant purple, green, or pink depending on the variety. Mine looks more like it lost a fight with a Roomba.
Soil: Light indoor mix + extra perlite
Light: Bright indirect light — east or north-facing window is ideal
Water: Likes to stay slightly moist, but don’t drown it
Bonus Move: This plant roots like a champ. I’ll be propagating a few healthy trimmings to fill the pot back out — kind of a haircut with benefits.
Side Note: I had to look up how to spell “Tradescantia” again. Why is it harder to pronounce than half the spells from Harry Potter?
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Snake Plant (Sansevieria)
Also known as Mother-in-Law’s Tongue (because it’s sharp and refuses to die), this guy is one of the lowest-effort houseplants around — but even it has limits.
Soil: Cactus mix + extra perlite
Light: Will tolerate low light, but thrives in bright indirect or filtered sun
Water: Let the soil dry completely between waterings — this plant is basically a cactus in disguise
Vibe: Stubborn, dramatic, but somehow still thriving. Relatable.
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Raven ZZ (Zamioculcas zamiifolia)
Basically the goth cousin of the ZZ plant. Jet black leaves, slow growth, and an unbothered attitude.
Soil: Cactus mix + perlite
Light: Low to medium indirect light — avoid direct sun
Water: Every few weeks. Like, set a calendar reminder kind of schedule
Personality: Unapologetically chill. Like a vampire that’s into crystals.
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🧽 The Rehab Plan
I’m not reinventing the wheel here. Just giving each plant the basics they missed out on:
âś… Trim off the dead/dying leaves
âś… Repot if rootbound or sitting in soggy mess
âś… Add extra perlite for airflow and drainage
âś… Place in the proper light (no more plant dungeon)
✅ Water only when necessary — no sympathy soaks
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📲 Watch the Sadness in Motion
Yes, I filmed it. Because what’s a plant rehab if you don’t exploit it for content?
Check out the sad squad’s debut here:
👉 @growtentkitchen on TikTok
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đź’¬ Final Thought
Not every sad plant needs a dramatic rescue arc. Sometimes they just need someone to stop forgetting they exist. A little light, some better dirt, and maybe a kind word or two. I’ll post updates — either celebrating new growth or pretending this post never happened.
Got a sad plant of your own? Drop a comment. Misery loves plant company.
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đź”– Related Posts
How to Propagate Houseplants (With Zero Shame)
My First Autoflower Grow: What I Wish I Knew
Coming Soon: Can You Save a Plant That’s Been in a Garage Since October?